By Angela Mutiso
Living Or Working with An Ego-Driven Individual Can Have Serious Emotional Consequences
Kasena was a presence no one in the Mombasa office could afford to ignore. Meetings that should have been routine were often charged with tension, as colleagues weighed every word, alert to his reactions. His remarks carried a quiet condescension, feedback was brushed aside, and conversations increasingly bent in his direction, with little consideration for the team around him. Over time, the workplace felt tighter, less open, and morale eroded. What might have passed for a difficult personality soon emerged as a pattern that unsettled everyone around him.
It was during one particularly tense afternoon that Jacinta, a counsellor engaged to support the team, asked to speak with him privately. Over a series of sessions, she helped Kasena examine why he felt compelled to dominate interactions, why criticism triggered such strong reactions, and why empathy did not come easily to him. Through guided reflection, structured exercises, and sustained patience, he began to recognise his habitual responses as they surfaced. He learned to pause before reacting, to weigh the impact of his words, and to take measured steps toward healthier engagement. The change was gradual, not dramatic, but the office began to breathe again, and Kasena found himself moving toward a deeper sense of self-awareness.
Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour
Narcissism is a personality pattern defined by an exaggerated sense of self-importance, a strong need for admiration, and a limited capacity for empathy. It exists along a spectrum. Some individuals exhibit mild tendencies, while others display pronounced traits that strain relationships and disrupt social environments. Beneath the surface, these behaviours often conceal deep insecurity. What appears as confidence may, in fact, be a defence against feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection.
Research suggests that narcissistic tendencies frequently take root in early life experiences. Inconsistent parenting, emotional neglect, or persistent criticism can shape a belief that superiority is necessary for survival or acceptance. Over time, these responses harden into ingrained coping patterns, becoming increasingly difficult to shift without deliberate reflection and sustained therapeutic support.
For this reason, consistent boundaries, exposure to healthy frustration, and early lessons in empathy are critical. They help children understand that they are important, but not more important than others. When parents model humility, acknowledge mistakes, and encourage emotional awareness, children are far less likely to adopt superiority as a coping mechanism.
Identifying a Narcissist
Spotting a narcissist may not always be easy. Some signs include a persistent need for attention, difficulty accepting criticism, exaggerating achievements, and insensitivity to others’ feelings. In relationships, narcissists may manipulate or gaslight, leaving others confused or doubting themselves.
Narcissists often have charm and charisma that can initially attract colleagues, friends, or partners. This makes it easy to overlook harmful patterns until their effect is clear. People like Kasena may seem confident and engaging at first, but repeated interactions reveal the strain their behaviour creates.
The Impact on Others
Living or working with a narcissist can have serious emotional consequences. Friends, family, and colleagues may feel stressed, anxious, and experience diminished self-esteem. In offices across Mombasa, the need to manage the narcissist’s ego, in many cases, stifled creativity, lowered productivity, and created a tense atmosphere. Social relationships outside work may also suffer, as narcissists tend to prioritize their needs over empathy or mutual respect.
It is easy for those around a narcissist to internalise the blame, questioning whether they provoked the behaviour. Recognising that the problem lies in the narcissist’s coping strategies rather than in oneself is essential for emotional health.
How to Protect Yourself
Dealing with a narcissist requires awareness, boundaries, and strategy. First, it is important to notice manipulative or dismissive behaviours before reacting. Setting clear limits on what is acceptable helps prevent escalation. Narcissists may test boundaries, so consistency in enforcing them is crucial.
Sometimes limiting exposure or engagement is necessary, especially if the person refuses to recognise the harm they cause. Support networks, friends, counsellors, or mentors can provide perspective and emotional balance. Journaling, mindfulness, and stress management techniques can help reduce the psychological toll of interacting with narcissists.
Can Narcissists Change?
Many people wonder whether narcissists can be helped. Deep-seated narcissistic traits are difficult to modify, but professional guidance can foster meaningful change. Therapy that focuses on self-reflection, empathy, and coping strategies can help narcissists understand the impact of their behaviour and to change progressively.
The process requires willingness, patience, and repeated effort. Some individuals may never change if they remain defensive or resistant. Therefore, expectations should be realistic: transformation is possible but gradual, and progress is fragile.
Living in Awareness
Understanding narcissism is really about awareness, compassion, and personal responsibility. Recognising harmful patterns allows people to protect themselves and make informed choices about whom to engage with.
Narcissists are not inherently malicious; they are often individuals whose coping strategies have become maladaptive. Approaching them with measured empathy, when safe, can sometimes create opportunities for reflection and growth.
Kasena’s story shows that change is possible, but controlled support is necessary. Counsellors like Jacinta offer guidance, helping individuals confront uncomfortable truths, advance self-regulation, and learn to interact more positively with those around them. While not every narcissist will change, patience, accountability, and professional guidance can make a meaningful difference for both the narcissist and their community.
In the end, understanding narcissists is about reclaiming peace of mind and fostering environments, at the workplace, at home, and in community settings.
Protecting oneself while supporting positive change, when possible, allows both narcissists and those around them to build healthier, more balanced relationships.
Preventing Narcissistic Tendencies in Yourself
Sometimes, the problem is you. Even as you learn to identify and manage narcissists, it’s valuable to examine your own behaviours.
Here are some ways to reduce the risk of developing narcissistic tendencies:
- Practice humility by recognising your strengths without belittling others.
- Listen actively and authenticate the perspectives and feelings of those around you.
- Accept constructive criticism as an opportunity for growth, not a threat.
- Avoid seeking constant attention or external validation for your self-worth.
- Develop empathy by imagining others’ experiences and challenges.
- Reflect regularly on your motivations and the impact of your actions.
- Show gratitude and a sense of shared success, rather than personal superiority.
This way, you can ensure your relationships remain balanced and respectful, even when you are surrounded by challenging personalities.
The writer is the Editorial Consultant of The Accountant Journal.
Email: [email protected]
