Have you been ghosted?

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By Angela Mutiso

The Act of Abruptly Cutting Off All Contact with Someone and Vanishing Without Explanation or Prior Notice

Jonathan, a well to do businessman, was thrilled when he married the love of his life. He had no reason to believe that this very charming woman with whom he already had a child, could eventually walk away from the relationship. To his dismay, that is exactly what she did. 

 A few years after their wedding, and after he had heavily invested in her, financially, emotionally and mentally, she just went away, never to come back. His attempts to reach her were futile. He soon realized she had blocked him in every way possible. Sadly, there was no way of reaching this vivacious West African woman he now called his wife. 

Today, the only tangible memory he has of her is their wonderful son, who is a spitting image of her. There is a strong visual resemblance that keeps reminding him of her, even though the boy’s character and temperament are much like his. Poor Jonathan  had finally but painfully acknowledged that he had been ghosted by someone he was so busy taking care of, that he had no awareness of his own needs. He was amazed that a mother could desert her family like that.

The convenience of ghosting

Convenience plays a vital role in the prevalence of ghosting in today’s digital age. With the ease of blocking someone’s phone number or social media accounts, it has become an opportune option for ending a relationship without taking responsibility for it. 

What is ghosting? The term “ghosting” is used in the context of social interactions, especially in dating and romances, however it can also refer to friendships and professional relationships.  It describes the act of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone and essentially vanishing from their life without any explanation or prior notice. This often involves ignoring all means of communication, leaving the other person perplexed and unsure of what transpired, especially when their calls, messages, emails, and all other types of contact are blocked.

Ghosting is generally considered an unkind and thoughtless way to handle relationships and interpersonal connections. In most cases, it’s wiser to engage in open and honest communication with the other person if you wish to conclude a relationship or connection. This approach provides closure and allows both parties to part ways more amicably.

Why do people do it?

Confrontation avoidance is a common reason why some individuals choose to employ ghosting as a strategy to handle challenging or confrontational situations. They find it difficult to engage in tough conversations or face potentially uncomfortable settings, so they opt for the “vanishing act” instead. Lack of interest is another reason for ghosting. The ghoster may have lost all interest in the relationship or connection and chooses to avoid the formal procedure of dissolving it altogether.  Aversion to upsetting others’ feelings is a strange aspect of ghosting. Some individuals mistakenly believe that by simply disappearing, they can spare the other person’s feelings, even though this often has a different effect.

How do you deal with a ghoster?

If you find yourself in a situation where you suspect someone is ghosting you, the best course of action – and the most beneficial outcome for everyone involved – is to simply move forward. This not only aids in your own healing from any emotional distress caused by the person ghosting you but also sends a powerful message that such behavior is unacceptable.

When it comes to dealing with someone who has ghosted you, it’s essential to preserve your self-respect. Avoid engaging in inconsequential behaviors like speaking ill of them. Instead, focus on self-improvement and personal growth rather than discussing such people. 

Secondly, consider blocking them on all forms of communication, even if they attempt to reach out later. Setting boundaries and making it clear that their behavior was not acceptable is necessary. If possible, confront them directly in a respectful manner. However, if that’s not possible or productive, moving forward without dwelling on the past is often the best option for your mental health, integrity and well-being.

Finally don’t take their actions personally; some people just don’t realize how much their actions can hurt others, so letting go without resentment could be the best way.  Knowing that you have control over your reactions can give you an empowering feeling. 

Ghosters could be narcissists

Narcissists know how to prepare their targets. They make them feel what they are doing for them is good so they tolerate even the worst behavior. The process is slow, so it is not easy to realize what is happening to you. It is however a powerful tool used to control and manipulate you and your perceptions. Narcissists know how to prepare their targets. They make them feel what they are doing for are good at making you feel all is well and can keep you in an abusive relationship for a long time. 

They make you believe they are who they are not. They know it is easier to use this fake identity to charm and influence their victims, at times it goes on for so long that they actually believe that is who they really are. It eventually becomes clear to all concerned that they are not who they portray themselves as. Another game they play is to make you feel loved, even if they don’t care for you. They identify things that make you happy, and a language that pleases you, and act the way you want them to. They tell you everything you want to hear. 

This way, you believe you have found true love. You need to listen to expert advice and your intuition, to detect and manage such situations. That is probably why sextortionists have conned many people using the web.

During a women’s monthly meeting, a participant caused laughter when she advised her gender to stop rationalizing the attitude of some men if they did not want to get hurt. She expounded that she had discovered from experience, that avoiding attachment is necessary if you want to keep your sanity. ‘Believing in sweet nothings’ at the peak of a relationship, had led to many heartaches, she cautioned.

Take note of what drpsychological.com says; “you must understand and remember that the majority of people that narcissists target are empaths, and empaths generally are guilty of projecting how they think and feel onto the rest of the world. These are people who cannot dream of doing something this devious, mean-spirited, and manipulative to another human being under any circumstances. So usually the victim in this situation has no clue what is actually happening because doing anything remotely close to this is so far from who they are that they are unaware that people in their lives could actually be capable of things like that.

When you realize why it hurts to be ghosted, and the best way of managing you is to be cruel and insensitive, it would help to know that the person’s intention is to hurt you. So do yourself a favor. Do not let it affect you as it is intended to, take back your precious emotions and stay away. 

 Another relationship expert is convinced that there are people who have issues that are not easy to explain or are too embarrassing. Their attitudes could also stem from anything. Some people do not want to look bad and are aware that if they are honest, it will be a problem.

Ghosting can be awfully wounding and can come from a very hard-hearted person. But sometimes the motivation may not be just to be cruel. Sometimes people do it to be less hurtful. At times the truth or enlightenment could be worse. 

The writer is the Editorial Consultant of the Accountant Journal.

Email; [email protected]


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